You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
