my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
