I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
