I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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