I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
