Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
