so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
