so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
