Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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