dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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