What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
