He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
