If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pappa wants mamma naked
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
