My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
