i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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