I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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