sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
