I am in a vortex of obligation.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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