I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
