Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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