Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
