My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
