just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
