Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
