I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
