She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
