my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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