If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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