wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
4 words: hood of his car
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
