I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
