i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so let's talk penis.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
