Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize