You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
