What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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