the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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