3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
