I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
