You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
