Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize