So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
