I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
