So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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