too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
