I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
