No, drunk sperm still make babies.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
