god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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