I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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