I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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