Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
