You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
