is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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