dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
