Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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