Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
