like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
