you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
