Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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