as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
