Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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