So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
