the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
