I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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