Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
