So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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