remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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