I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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