just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
