Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
